Flourishing means having a lot of social, mental, and emotional well-being. To me, this word sounds like a blossoming flower for some reason. I visualize a beautiful multilayer peony bud opening up petal after petal into a gorgeous bowl of heavenly-scented bloom.
I like this concept and sometimes teach my patients something I learned from positive psychology how to enrich their lives without making drastic changes. The founder of positive psychology, Dr. Martin Seligman, pointed out 5 main elements of flourishing:
- Positive emotions
- Engagement
- Relationships
- Meaning
- Accomplishment
Let’s look at each of them in a little more detail.
Positive emotions
Pleasant feelings such as joy, excitement, interest, hope, and contentment come from many sources, one of which can be reflecting on something good during our day, such as practicing gratitude. Another option is actively seeking joyful activities such as dancing, singing, appreciating art, or having a delicious meal.
We are wired to focus on negative feelings and often gloss over anything positive. Next time you notice a positive emotion or experience, invite yourself to pause there and observe how it feels. Let the new neuronal pathways form. You would be surprised how many positive events you have in a day, once you start paying attention.
An example from my today’s morning is: I woke up a bit tired after a night shift on call and my husband made me breakfast. He always does, but it means so much to know someone cares that I eat and have my coffee before a busy day at the hospital. At work, I am walking down the hallway with my mug and my extra size workbag with “all possible things I might need to survive if I get stuck at work till late” (basically a survival kit for a desert island I made during medical training years as I never knew when I would get access to food and fresh clothing). My hands are full and I am rushing to multidisciplinary rounds. A patient’s family member holds the door for me, smiles, and wishes me a good day. I instantly feel grounded and welcomed. Do you see how many small positive things are happening? I used to run through these on autopilot, but now – I am grateful for every breakfast, and for every human smile and act of courtesy. All things count.
Engagement
Another way to use your mindfulness skills is instead of going through your day on cruise control, to engage in a household chore or a work project by thinking of novel things about the activity while you do it. How can you make mundane things more joyful, or simply better? Who can you do it with to make it less dreadful?
Relationships
Make a small effort every day to interact with someone in a positive way. Relationships are like an emotional bank account and little things accumulate over days, weeks, and months, to grow into beautiful friendships, love, or collegiality. Nourish your relationships with friends and family regularly.
What helps me is going over the list of my loved ones in my journal and remembering when we last talked, went for coffee, or had dinner and reaching out if it has been more than a couple of weeks or months. Remember, there is legitimate evidence that the quality of your relationships determines the quality of your life. So instead of overinvesting in work and hustle, invest in building and nourishing your connections.
Meaning
Humans are meaning-making machines, and having meaning in our lives can get us through the toughest of times, as documented in The Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl. At the end of the day, any situation, any day, any life is a story. And we all make up our stories in our minds. How would you like your story to unfold? Can you rewrite the story someone (society, culture, family) started for you and make it your own?
Take a moment to reflect on what things matter to you in life and see if your work or hobbies align with your values. If they don’t, what would it take to have more meaningful activities in your days or weeks? Volunteering for a cause that’s important to you or joining a special interest club might be options. There are endless possibilities if we just look around.
I am very grateful to have a career in medicine where I can help others and exercise kindness, compassion, and love, which are my top values. When I just came to Canada and was working entry-level jobs, I looked for ways to see how that aligned with my values. When I was a cashier, I enjoyed giving customers the best service and the most positive emotions, trying to brighten their days and lift their spirits. It did not drain me, because I felt I could get someone to smile after a grueling day at work, or just be a very helpful and efficient cashier they needed to get home for dinner fast. It is possible to find meaning in any job!
Achievement
Having a sense of mastery, accomplishment or achievement gives us a strong boost of positive emotions and self-confidence. Think about things you are proud of. Some people even keep a small journal of daily wins or small things they are proud of, such as making their bed when they didn’t feel like it or getting a good enough grade on a test. It’s not about winning necessarily, it’s about personal accomplishments. We often are our harshest judges, and we need to develop our internal cheerleaders who would see and celebrate the daily wins and allow you to recognize how you rock already. Often we set the bar so high, and we measure ourselves against some unrealistic expectations, we dismiss so much hard work and progress we pull off every day.
Remember that progress often feels invisible for a very long time. If you celebrate your inputs like making it to the gym or sipping a cup of herbal tea instead of reaching out for a can of pop, these will compound over time into some beautiful changes in your life.
There are days when I skip a workout due to a long day at work. Instead of beating myself up, I think to myself: “Hey, you showed up as your best self to your patients and colleagues, and you still did a micro stretch break at lunch, and meditated for 3 minutes after dinner. Great job!”
Final Thoughts
These are the elements of human flourishing, pick one at a time and build your way up, or attack all five – it’s up to you. You are probably already doing some or all of them so give yourself credit for it!
Journaling Exercise
Reflect on your day or past week. Can you identify how you fulfilled each element from the list? Write down examples for your PERMA. If you see that some elements are missing, what can you do tomorrow to fulfill them? Remember, the simpler it is, the better. Every outstanding journey begins with a small step.
Example:
- P – Positive emotions: morning chat at home with my husband, I felt very safe and loved:
- E – Engagement: reached out to a colleague to brainstorm how to deal with a challenging case, and got energized with new ideas;
- R – Relationships: texted my friend who is flying to Japan today wishing her safe travels and to have a good time;
- M – Meaning: spent extra time with a patient who was admitted to the hospital for a few weeks and was feeling very lonely, cheering her up and providing support;
- A – Accomplishment: made it to an evening walk with hubby despite a huge desire to watch a show on a couch and numb out after a long and stressful day at work.
Now is your turn. Use this to occasionally spice up your journaling practice, or regularly if you feel you need to focus a bit more or notice and nourish the above elements of your flourishing.
Let me know in the comments below if any of the above come super easy, and which ones are challenging.
