Every time I hear the song Let it Go by James Bay I get into a state of bliss. It always reminds me of watching my most favourite dance video ever, even now, ten years later it still remains the most fascinating choreography for me. It is a guest performance by Bendy Kate at the UKPPC2014:
I didn’t talk about this publicly because of the stigma associated with pole fitness. I think a lot of people have misconceptions about pole dancing. They think it is about striptease, burlesque, sexy dance, etc. And I am sure for some dancers that might be part of it, but there is so much more to pole than that. And for many, it is completely not about “sexy dancing”. It is one of the aerial arts, one of those you could see in Cirque du Soleil.
If you watch Bendy Kate’s video you will see how innocent pole dance could be. Kate is wearing a white outfit, and for the most part – a beautiful flowy white skirt. She does trick after trick seemingly effortlessly flying between two poles and getting into various inverts, contortions and one hand or elbow grip holds (those are really hard!). The story she is telling through dance is a beautiful tale about a couple that reached a stage when it’s time to walk away. It is so incredibly breathtaking, the moves and flips just perfectly reflect the emotions of the song.
For me pole fitness is a combination of gymnastics, acrobatics, callisthenics, contemporary dance and maybe even a bit of ballet. I think it has the best of all of them combined. It allows one to demonstrate power, flexibility, grace, and artistry. On the other hand, the dance routine could be designed for every body type and abilities: you can highlight your strength and don’t do bendy moves, or do certain moves in a way that creates a visual illusion to the audience that one has a split even when they are very non-flexible.
I wonder if pole became so popular because more women want to claim their inner child: they want to have the opportunity to dance and be creative. They want to play like they did in gymnastics or dance classes (if they had that privilege growing up) when they were kids, but once they grew up they eventually had to stop doing what they love and go work, be an adult. It’s not easy to find adult beginner gymnastics or ballet classes, although not impossible these days. My family could not afford extracurriculars, despite me begging to put me into a ballet or dance school – they just couldn’t afford it at the time. However,I think it is never too late to begin doing something you wanted so badly – so I started dancing at age 23, once I started earning just enough to cover my living expenses.
What I found very empowering in pole fitness is that it helps you get used to seeing your body in the mirror and gradually get to love it. All studios have giant mirrors! Let’s be honest: many of us don’t like the bodies we have. It’s either too thin, too thick, too old, too scarred, too clumsy, and the list goes on. When I first started attending the classes I noticed several women who didn’t fit cultural beauty standards but were so good: they were very strong, confident, positive and super supportive to fellow classmates. These women became my role models. They were also coming from all walks of life: single moms, new moms, busy professionals, professional school students, entrepreneurs, pre retirement women and so on. We all cheered for each other’s wins and rooted for one another when someone struggled to get the difficult move. I fell in love with the welcoming community of womanhood (although it is not limited to one gender actually – I just happened to be in classes with no men for a long time).
Every time I went to the class I left it happier and more confident, every day I grew to accept my body image a bit more. I think unintentionally my family caused me to be shy of my body. I felt like I failed to be skinny for the most part of my life. Now I understand my body type and what’s healthy for me, but before I went through medical school and have done a lot of personal growth work, I struggled to be at peace with myself. I felt I was constantly fighting the losing battle with gaining weight beyond what my mother and her friends viewed as pretty: a petite type of woman which I was never meant to be. It didn’t matter how many guys found me attractive, and that my husband found me the perfect woman for him. I couldn’t gain the approval of the most important person in my life: myself. The women in pole classes get it. We don’t need to talk about it. We all have scars. And we heal together.
So over the last ten years I have been doing pole fitness on and off: I did it consistently in medical school, almost living at the studio, then dropped out in residency and first years of practice because life got too chaotic and unpredictable (medicine will become all consuming unless you claim your boundaries – something I had yet to learn). I convinced myself that I outgrew it, I didn’t need pole any more. I thought maybe “that season of my life has passed”. I was in a good place mentally and my self acceptance was decent. But I still often felt like something was missing in my life. Life was good, just not as much fun. “That must be adult life, suck it up” – I thought to myself. But over the last couple of years I had the opportunity to hone on my values and reshape the lens through which I view life: I realised we are not destined to suffer, and we can choose to invite joy and happiness in our life, no matter how challenging it is. I would argue that in the hardest times we need our joy sources the most to withstand whatever life brings. Also, the more people live their life to the fullest, the better the Earth is for all of us. So… the more I poked at my soul searching for the missing pieces, the more happiness-streaming jewels I discovered: yoga, gardening, reading, singing, cooking… And one of them was pole fitness.
Sure enough, this year I decided to try and come back to the studio just to see what it will feel like in my late 30s, with quite a few extra pounds, less flexibility and less strength compared to my twenties. And you know what? I felt alive again! I struggled with many moves I used to get easily in the past, but the environment, the challenge, and the community made me instantly feel whole again. That was the missing piece!
There will be times in my life when I will need to step out again, but what I know for sure is pole fitness will always be there for me, at nearly any age and size, and there is no pressure or deadlines to meet: everybody progresses at their own pace, regardless of the setbacks. I can just get into the class, let the teacher push me to my limits, yell my lungs out celebrating another woman’s successful first Superman, and get bathed in cheering from fellow classmates when I progress to a new move. I know I cannot compare myself to Bendy Kate – I will never be as flexible or strong. I don’t need to: this is my hobby – not a job. It gives me pure joy with no expectation of any output. In my head I can rehearse various choreographies, and relieve them in my head as many times as I want: the brain won’t know the difference and will outpour the happiness neurotransmitters into my system regardless. Right now as I am writing it, the song that comes to mind is Royals by Lorde – it’s the music we danced to in one of the first classes I attended. It was followed by a lot of laughs and feeling like complete badasses!
I will always be inspired by Kate and many other dancers, and sincerely celebrate and admire their progress, without feeling any less of an athlete. Pole fitness gives me so much more nourishment for the soul than I could ever ask for. Being able to dance to the music I love is one of the biggest joys and is very therapeutic. If someone asks my friends when do I look most alive – it would be when I dance.
I invite you to explore what it is that you were doing when you felt whole last? When was the last time you felt pure unrestricted boundless joy? What makes your soul sing and brings you into a state of flow you can get lost in?
